Dear Diary: It’s that time of the year again… the time when we are all meant to come together, rejoice and celebrate. Its Christmas again. But sadly, I don’t feel reely Christmassy right now. The time is now passé. A spell of gloom and obscurity has descended over the basis of my very existence.
As clichéd as it might sound, she’s gone. The one person who stood by me like a rock for 14 months of my life, my soul-mate, my confidant, my best friend, has finally bid goodbye. For 14 long months, day in and day out, she was there by my side, stuck on to me like a leech. When I wanted her off my back, she wouldn’t budge. When I tried to trick her into leaving me, she wouldn’t move an inch. She stood right there, until she had secured her place into my life, a place so supreme and unparalleled, that nobody and no one else could ever even think of replacing her.
It was a friendship like no other. An association that involved long chats on the phone, followed by many, many smses over the cellphone and then getting back to the age old technique of conversing on IM. An association that was and would always be special for times to come; an association that was always more special than just friends.
For 14 months, I wondered to myself what made us click. Today even after she is gone, I have no answer. It was that moment in time, that phase of my life where everything seemed just so perfect. Nothing would have ever gone wrong. We got along like a house on fire… there was nothing hidden between us. All that had transpired earlier and subsequently during the course of those 14 months, was out there. There would be no secrets. She knew how I felt and what I went through… and me too. There wasn’t a moment in that period when I needed her and she wasn’t there for me.
The solace and the comfort of her very soothing presence made me turn a blind eye to the harsh reality of life around me. She was a keeper, I had realized it a long time back. She was all I ever needed to feel alive again. She had become a part of me, mind, body and soul. I didn’t ever miss her, because she was always with me, everywhere. I opened my eyes, I saw her. I closed my eyes, I still saw her everywhere. She was right there beside me all the time, talking to me, guiding me, comforting me. “Nothing can ever break us up Kenny, I won’t let it”… she would say to me time and again. And I believed her. I reely thought we were solid. I reely thought this time it would last forever.
Its back to Christmas… but this time she’s not there. She’s bid her goodbyes and I am back to where I was 14 beautiful months ago – empty-handed; all alone, broken-hearted, wretched and despondent over the loss of possibly the only woman I could ever possibly love. Life has taken a miserable turn. There is nothing to look forward to, nowhere to go. A shadow of darkness has descended over my life and no amount of joy and happiness is gonna take away the desperation that has encompassed around me. All I see around me today are dim visions and blurry images of my beautiful association with the most wonderful human being I could have ever possibly known, one of the finest and nicest persons to have ever graced my life and touched my soul in a way I just cannot describe.
It’s that time of the year again… its Christmas. But I don’t feel Christmassy right now. I am sorry.
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