‘Dear Diary:
This morning I met the girl I am going to marry. Ever since the day I have laid eyes on her, I have been hopelessly, completely and madly in love with her. As our eyes crossed I realized; she was the one for me. She was the girl I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with’.
As she entered thru the door, I gazed at her for a split second and I knew I was in trouble, way deep trouble... Oh, God, if only you knew what you did to me, woman... We met; we got to know each other.... We started going out together. She looked so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her... Close up there was an electric vitality to the glowing nymphette that was almost overpowering. I often wondered to myself what it would be like to discover true love and now that I had nothing would be the same ever again. We shared a bond that defied time and years; and the private horrors that we had faced together. She was the kind of girl a guy would want to take home to his mother. Only then it struck me she wasn’t playing games at all... she was playing for keeps... It was a fairy-tale love story that everyone thought would culminate into a great marriage.
In the aftermath of the shattering betrayal and the staggering pain that followed, love seemed like an emotion that suddenly got buried deep into the realms of fantasy. It was only after she left I realized how utterly alone and miserable I was going to be. As I lived through her painful betrayal, I realized that death wasn’t reely the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss was actually what died inside of me while I lived.
‘We were always meant to be together.... you said so yourself’, I asked her as to why she had called it quits on me and all I could muster out of her was, ‘You are a good friend James, the best. But you have always been a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend; and even this was a new low for you’. Her words were like a stab in the heart. That was the last time I was going to get to see her for what she reely was... almost as if she were my own. “You are going back to Forrester, arent you?” I asked her as slowly tears welled up in my eyes. For moments we stood side by side together on the sidewalk, one last time... but I couldn’t have been more alone.
The nights would be lonely... and the bed, so cold and empty. “Why did you let her go?” they asked of me. And I said, “This wasn’t love, just a compromise and you can’t live your life with a compromise”. There was that pain and hurt in her eyes... I could see it for myself... Seeing her date another guy was the hardest thing I had to ever do in my life. As he walked up to us, a real smile curved her lips and I felt a sharp stab of jealousy down my spine because she would never smile at me that way.
I had to stop thinking about her; there would be no other way. Nostalgia brought with it pangs of pain that tightened the noose around my heart. Someday I would die a miserable and broken-hearted man... that was my destiny. I felt as if I had walked into someone else’s nightmare. My past would come back to haunt me... big time.
How could it all have gone so wrong? This was the only question that kept coming to mind. By now the stranglehold of love had reached suffocating proportions.
Deep in my oblivion I heard my best friend scream his lungs out, “Dude... She dumped you like 15 years ago! Get over it!” And all I could say was, “Sorry, there’s only so much a guy can take you know”. Life had developed into a vicious circle of my self created horrors.
And then she was no more a conglomeration of the pain or the shattering betrayal, but just the girl I fell in love with years ago. “Alright... I do not know how to not love you; that’s not gonna change. But I can bury it, I did it before and I will do it again.” I told her. Finally I had my epiphany... I would have to live with it. Life moves on. I had to move on. There would be no other way.
